Rules of Rush Hour

Since I liken my blog to a journey of sorts, it seems appropriate that my first one (ever!) be about rush hour traffic. I do not live in a major metropolitan area such as L.A., Chicago or New York City where you sit for hours in traffic so I use the term "rush hour" subjectively. However, for the area where I live, it is an increased amount of traffic at a peak time of day when people are rushing (supposedly) to and from work so I am calling it rush hour, Iowa style.

Two months ago I got a job in the nearby metro area that thrust me back into the rush hour melee for the first time in 15 years. Yeah, things have changed or maybe it is me who has changed. Either way, I am going to have a stroke. The first day I was amused by the obviously different mentality of the drivers than what I had experienced when I was traveling to work in the afternoon. It was like an anthropological study and rather interesting. The study was over by the third day. I was ready to play bumper cars.

First, let me set the scene...I drive about 20 miles to work, through a mostly rural area, but the highway is four-lane, thank goodness. How rural? Well, one day traffic was disrupted because someone had hit a deer and it was blocking one lane of traffic. Another day, traffic backed up because a farmer was driving his tractor from one field to another during the rush hour drive home. That is pretty rural. However, just because we are driving over hills, over dales (its a song) does not mean we are any less motivated to get to and from work. And there are a lot of us out there.

Which brings me to my point (finally) - the rules of rush hour. When I pull off my side street onto the main highway, there are already a lot of cars but it does not take long to catch up to the first "pack". Packs are usually several cars, bunched together, sometimes tightly, sometimes loosely but it is always tricky to get through the pack to reach open road. I call it playing NASCAR when working your way through the pack. However, there are rules that would make it a lot easier if everyone would just follow.

First of all, and I think this is universal, the inside lane is for passing. Do not tool along on your phone and camp out if there are people wanting to travel faster than you are. If you can get over into the other lane, DO IT! It is almost impossible during rush hour to have the space and time to pass someone who is camped in the "fast lane". There are also those assholes who are on their phone and when you move into the other lane to pass them? It gets their attention and they speed up, leaving you trapped in the other lane because let me tell you, everyone else in the passing lane will close ranks once you move over and you are not getting back in until they all pass you. I learned that fairly quickly and stopped moving into the other lane unless I was absolutely, positively sure I had enough room to pass the car even if they accelerated. And I will admit, I am a rank closer. I will not let someone get in front of me if they have tried to pass and have been trapped. It's a harsh lesson we all must learn. And if you just keep doing it? You deserve to get trapped, dumbass.

Now, I know there are those who think they are moving as fast as everyone else. Take a look in your rear view mirror. If there is a car behind you or worse, a line of cars behind you? You are not the big dog. Get your ass on the porch and let the rest of us run. I understand when you are in the middle of a line of cars and you do not get over. I do not expect you to. But if you are at the head of the line, in the passing lane, no one is in front of you and you are holding up the line? Oh yeah Sparky, you are holding up progress and it all falls on you. Either get the Hell over or speed up so you can get the Hell over.

A huge traffic offense taking place during rush hour is tailgating - traveling too close. However, you have to do it because if you do not someone is going to slip in between you and the car in front of you. I almost had my front end taken off because I had apparently left too much space and a truck decided he would fit. Oh man, the urge to play bumper cars was strong but Bella (my car, not named after the insipid Twilight character but Italian for "beautiful") would not appreciate the smack. But there are rules to tailgating as well.

When traveling at highway speeds, you really cannot leave the standard two-car lengths. You just cannot. You are going to end up back in town by the time people get done cutting in front of you. My general rule of thumb is to keep about a car length. But here's the thing, people can get really pissy about tailgating. I understand that during normal travel times but it is rush hour and, right or wrong, it is a different mentality. And you know who the pissy people usually are? The ones who are leading a line of people in the passing lane. They get frustrated by the line of cars but yet will not get over. What the Hell? If you would just accept that you are not willing to travel at the rate of everyone else and get out of the passing lane, you would have a better rush hour experience.

Here is an example. I was following a Saturn Aura, a bunch of us were. She refused to get over though she had several opportunities. Unfortunately, there was never enough room to get around her. I was following less than a car length as the car behind me was doing and probably the car behind him, etc. She was holding us all up. I am sure she thought she was traveling at a sufficient speed and should not have to get over but here is the thing; it does not matter. If you have a line of cars behind you, guess what? You are not traveling fast enough. We had to follow her for 10 miles, to the on ramp to the next four-lane highway. I followed her onto the highway. I think she thought she would lose me on the ramp because she took it kind of fast. Ha! Bella loves that 25 m.p.h. ramp at about 40 so let's go!

We merged onto the highway and I was hoping to get around but there was too much traffic and I had to stay with her. It was a mirror image of the previous highway. She quickly had a line of cars again though the car behind me had left some space. The Saturn suddenly darted into the right lane, with little room for her really and I passed her. She immediately darted back out behind me, on my bumper. Ah. The old taste-of-your-own-medicine routine. I have had this done to me several times and it always backfires on the person. Why? I showed her. I took off and left her. There was open space because she had been holding us up. I did not see her again before I exited the highway onto my city street. I love it when people do that because it gives me exactly what I wanted - them out of my way.

Once I reach the city, I really only have one rule but it is the hardest for me to follow: pick a lane and stay in it. It never fails that if I switch lanes, the other lane will start moving faster. I end up frustrated and I am almost certain I start speaking in tongues while my head spins. Stay, stay, stay!    

The drive home is a different story though. There are still a lot of cars but the mentality of the drivers is much more varied, I suppose because of the time of day. It is late afternoon, early evening so though it is people coming home from work, there are also other random people. The mix can make for an interesting drive. 

Those coming home from work drive much the same way as going to work. It is the other people that are the wildcards. If you tailgate someone who is not used to the rush hour experience, they do not appreciate it. Ummmm, no. It can quickly become a competition which is dangerous when there are so many people. I try to keep this in mind and remember not to tailgate on the drive home. It is difficult though especially because Bella does not like Camrys. I cannot explain it. We have to pass them. She has eaten more Camrys than I can count. What can I say? My girl has an appetite.

So, when you are driving in rush hour, please keep these rules in mind: do not camp in the "passing lane" if you are not passing; if there is a line of cars behind you, you should not be the leader - get over; tailgating is a necessary evil during rush hour but be alert; when in the city, sometimes you just have to pick a lane and stay there; be aware of who is on the road with you - not everyone understands rush hour; and the biggest rule and hardest to follow - be human. It is almost impossible not to be an asshole during rush hour traffic but we all have the same goal - to make it to our destination safely (and as fast as we possibly can.)

Play nice and drive carefully!